smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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