Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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