do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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