You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
