fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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