you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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