Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
