You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
