my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.