so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
