3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say