I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me