you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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