I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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