after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!