dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
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we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes