dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
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