Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
