i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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