I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
