i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
