hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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