xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
