So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
