how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
