Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
