sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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