Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
