well I can't set my house on fire every night
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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