I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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