she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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