just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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