Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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