she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
