took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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