Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
