She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
