So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Randomize
