Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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