Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
