Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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