Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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