I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
