ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
