Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
