That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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