sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
