The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
