Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my shit smells like andre
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
