i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
