lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
