help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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