The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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