Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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