How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
