My sheets look like a crime scene.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
