Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
