i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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