I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
