Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
