i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize