My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
