We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
