If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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