I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
