If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
