I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I didn't notice because vodka
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
