I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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