I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
