the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
