Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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