why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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