i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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