Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
