all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
