I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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