Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
