piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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