Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
