I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
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I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
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The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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