You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
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