Yo dont text me then not text me
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
