two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
