i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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