That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
