He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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